omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
