I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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