exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
