so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
