I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
