dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
