I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
