Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
