True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
