I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
