i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
