i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
