So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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