i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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