Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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