and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
