Jerry, you need to find god
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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