Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
