the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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