No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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