and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
