didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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