I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
