i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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