And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
