I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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