You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
