So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
