nut hugger
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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