i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
