yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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