He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
