I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
