found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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