just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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