I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
