Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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