Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
