The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
