before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
