there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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