i just had sex bonerless
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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