p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
