What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
