i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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