just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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