I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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