she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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