The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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