there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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