i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
