dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
