shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Floor bacon is actually really good
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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