you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
