God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
