At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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